Thursday, October 13, 2005

A Philosphy Frenzy

There is now proof that I, the short chic who has no mind for the intellectual in the least, can understand and actually become incredibly excited, about philosophy. Part of this is in thanks to my current philosophy professor and also partly to a small group of really smart sophomores.

As I was attempting to study early yesterday evening for my Philosophy of Human Nature test that was today, I began several times to have panick attacks. Much of this attitude goes back to the fact that God did not bless me with brains. (The results have yet to come back as to what exactly is up there in my little head.) Previous philosophy mid-terms and finals have found me in wicked tears and giving myself migraines while out for coffee (as to which Dan can attest). So, it was no surprise when, upon my exiting the dorms last night on the way to a study group, three of my closest friends had to calm me down from one of my pre-panick attack moments. Actually, the two girls calmed me, while the boy just stood and looked quite scared.

Anyway, I went to my study group, which almost did not work. But when we all finally calmed down and started to work our way through the material, we finally started to see the correlation. I started to understand! This is a huge and incredible thing! As we neared the end of the material, the information, and consequently our adrenaline, started to rush super fast. Needless to say, we all hit a philosophy frenzy. Everything made sense and it was completely fascinating. For one moment, the entire solar system stood still in awe because I, the philosophically slow girl, understood and got excited about Philosophy. I was philosophizing, in the truest sense.

So, the next time I become frustrated about philosophy and start tearing down its name in front of numerous philosophy majors, don't get upset. I have earned the right to do so. I earned it because I learned it.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

"You're Not in Kansas Anymore..."

After many, many prayers and a year of suffering, that it is all finally over. Much to the jubilation of my entire family, we have found another place to go. Actually, we've found two, but I'll get to that in a minute.

My dad has been offered two jobs, one in Texas and one in Georgia. At this point, we are still unsure of our next destination, but as is typical with the Smith family, we never decide anything until the last minute. We try to be as spontaneous as possible...or something like that. Nonetheless, in less than twenty-four hours, we are to have made a decision.

But it really doesn't matter anymore. I am so overcome with this gratitude for the mercy of God. and how all of this came together can only be a miracle. At the beginning of the summer, I began dedicatingly saying a nightly Divine Mercy chaplet ( I have an incredibly strong devotion to the Passion of Christ, which is a story for another day...). After six months, a wonderful friend of mine, who is going to Heaven, suggested I say a Novena to Saint Jude. So I did. Not one week later did Dad get to final job cut interviews. On the day of his Texas interview, Dad was supposed to go in at 1 pm. Strangely enough, it was randomly pushed back to 3 pm. As I was sitting in mass that day, it hit me: that's the Hour of Divine Mercy! How ironic...or maybe not. When Dad called that afternoon, he told me he had nailed the interview. Friday came and he nailed the Georgia one, as well.

This week rolled around and I don't think I have ever been so anxious in my life. Monday and Tuesday crawled by so slowly. Then, Wednesday came, the day that we might hear any news. On a whim at workstudy, I went the "That Girl's" blog and checked the Saint of the Day. It was Saint Faustina's feast day. I got so excited for a second, thinking how absolutely divine it would be if we got one of the jobs today. Well, we did. Saint Faustina and the Divine Mercy Chaplet, with Saint Jude as her sidekick, answered so very many prayers!

I am so thrilled. After so long and intense a year, we are finally getting to move on and have normal life. We are going to have beds and a house. We will have clothes (we had some, let me stipulate, but not many), and furniture. This Christmas, God willing, we will have our decorations and our celebration in our own house.

So many people take so much for granted. And I must confess that, until we lost everything, I did, too. It's very easy to do. But after having nothing, you suddenly realize that it doesn't matter what you lack because God is always there. He is so incredible. He just blows me away.

I must thank everyone for their prayers. You all will never know how much they meant. And there were those who sent other things, too. You know who you are. It all meant so much. But most of all, my friends meant the world to me. I've never really had friends to speak of before. And now I have many. The way you all stepped up and prayed and listened when I needed it so bad meant so very much. You all are such a blessing and I honestly could not have made it through with out you all. Thank you all. I don't deserve any of you.

We will need some more prayers for a little while longer, until we get settled. But now, praise God, they will be happy little prayers. And the Smith Family will once again move on. We, as in the past, go in search of God's will. But now, we will be a much happier moving family. And we won't be in Kansas anymore!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Patience Really is a Virtue

Patience is a tough thing to grasp. For example, when one is sitting in class and the teacher goes into overtime, it's so much easier to wiggle in one's seat rather than pray for patience. But do the wiggles really solve the problem?

It's Wednesday and as I pulled my limp body from the bed this morning, I thought Let the games begin. I have been waiting for this day for a week now, but it seems like much longer because time has been dragging. Now, my impatience increases. I am awaiting an incredibly important phone call from home that could come anytime from this morning to Friday evening. If the phone call is good news, it's been one that I've been looking foward to for over a year now. If it's bad, I'm crawling back between my covers for the next three days. The phone call could end a year of suffering or continue a time of hardship. The wait has been intensely nerve wracking and starting today, it's only going to get worse.

As a result of this, I've been very wiggly and ansty (more so than normal), and sometimes I have to just get up and walk around my room for a minute. It hit me this morning -- instead of wearing holes in my carpet, maybe I should just look upward and ask the Big Man for some patience. I've heard people say that this really works and for a long time, I didn't believe it. But a few weeks ago, in my English class I got to the point where I just couldn't sit still any longer and there were still fifteen minutes left in class. So, I gave it a whirl and He gave me patience. Actually, He probably doesn't give you patience, but helps us find it when we are overlooking it. Whatever it is, though, it's a tough thing to grasp because being nervous or anxious are our first reactions to times of intense wait, be it the end of class or an important phone call.

So, the next few days will find me on campus somewhere talking out loud to God for patience or sitting in the chapel begging Him to calm me down. And when that phone call comes, I have two intentions for which I've been beseeching God. I hope that whatever happens, it's God's will. God could want nothing less than happiness for us. I also pray that I am around my friends. Until then, however, I will be praying perpetually for patience. It really is a tough virtue.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Kansas is not God's way

I must start out my blog stating something that I think the philosophers and theologians have missed over the last thousands of years. Kansas is inherently evil. But the fact that these supposedly intelligent people could have missed this obvious fact is because Kansas, in the actual form, has not exsisted until very recently. However, aren't these philosophers second cousins to the prophets of the Old Testament, since they know about that prime matter stuff?

Anyway, it is my hope that my family will not be located in the state much longer. There are two possibilities, rather slim at the moment, that we could join the ranks of civilization again and thus have a home again. Civilization (and a home) is definitely God's way and this is quite possibly why civilization does not exsist in southern Kansas. According to philosphers, you can't have two opposites in one place. Therefore, since civilization is God's way and Kansas is not, clearly Kansas is not civilized, at lease Southern Kansas anyway.

Until the day when my family makes a grand Exodus from Satan's Toy Box (sorry, Kyle), I will continue to pray. I know, however, until the day we leave Kansas, God has a reason for us to be there. The day we fulfill this reason and are allowed to leave, I will be the happiest little girl on earth. It is my sincere hope that this day comes very soon. After all, a home is a very nice thing to have, especially during the Holidays.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

So, I joined the ranks of the bloggers and consequently many of my friends. I have become a blogger. This is quite exciting, as now my run away mouth now extends over the vastness of the internet. I can now be just a loud and talkative to more people than ever before. God help the world.

So, I hope you enjoy whatever happens to come flying forth from my fingers whenever I post. At the very least, it will be slightly random and hopefully very enjoyable.

I hope all enjoy because I know I will.