Monday, February 28, 2011

No mother ever envisions it for their own child. Walking through the giant sliding doors, down the hall, last door on the right. There's an adult-size door, and a child-size door. Fish tanks stretch from floor to ceiling, and there are stars on the linoleum. The walls are painted bright colors, and the desk is low, so the children can feel involved. Despite attempting to provide an inviting environment, the place is still scary as hell. On the wall: Scott and White Pediatric Hematology and Oncology.

Twice I've walked through those doors. And twice I've felt like throwing up. Twice, we've there in the waiting room while Elizabeth fawns over the fishies. Twice, we've waiting for the doctor to come in and see her bruising. Twice, we've had him order blood tests. Twice, we've been sent away, knowing no more than when we'd walked through the doors.

I feel like I'm living in one of those movies, where the parents are pushing against all odds to figure out what's wrong with their child. Where no one is listening to the parents. They stand by their child's side, arguing and standing their ground. But, they always find out answers. The movies make it look easy. The parents appear heroic. I feel broken. They seem indefatigable. I am exhausted. They have their helpmate their. I stand alone. Lost. Losing.

Tonight, I am at a dead end. Where do I go from here? How far am I willing to take this fight? To whom do I present Elizabeth's situation next? I don't know.

I do know that something is clearly wrong with my daughter. I do know that my husband is halfway across the globe, so far removed from all of this. I do believe in the power of prayer and the support of family and friends. And, I absolutely know that this mother will stop at nothing to find out what is wrong with my child. No distance is too far, no fear too great, no medical personnel too elite for me to overcome that obstacle and achieve a correct diagnosis.

I ask for your prayers, dear readers. Those of you who do read. I know not how many there are. But, if you could leave a comment letting me know you are praying so that I might take great peace from that, I'd be eternally grateful. I desperately need them right now. Elizabeth needs them right now. Thank you.

80 comments:

AJay said...

Praying! I'll offer up some of my Holy Hours for her.

Miriel said...

Oh, Addie. This is so hard. You know you have my prayers, and you know where to find me if you need me. Love to you and Elizabeth.

Alaina said...

I'm praying! I had a bruising problem this past year as well, but it's so much harder when it's your child. May your guardian angels bring you comfort.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you in Austin, TX.

Betty Beguiles said...

Oh, I am so sorry. I can't imagine how tough this must be for you. You all will be in my prayers. Please keep us posted!

Black Mona said...

Hi Addie,

You don't know me, but I found your blog through Miriel Thomas and I am praying for you! I have absolutely been in that "what is going on, God?!?" place, and He WILL get you through this! Trust in him and know that prayers are coming for you and Elizabeth from all over the country. God bless and keep you both.

"...and HOPE does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in us through the power of the Holy Spirit." - Rom. 5:3-4

Anonymous said...

Love and prayers from Michigan!

Kate said...

Hi Adrienne,

Praying for you and your child! Followed a FB link from Miriel. Keep strong, and know there are a lot of people holding you up in prayer.

Kate

Tracy said...

I'm a friend of Miriel's as well, and I want you to know that I'll be praying for you and your precious daughter.

barbetti said...

I too came here via Miriel's FB link. My husband is also deployed, so I can understand how hard this situation truly is. I'll be praying for your sweet little girl (and her parents, too). xx

D. Ledoux Montgomery said...

Prayers and care from Virginia - may God grant you and yours all healing and bring your husband back safely and quickly.

PrinceOfTheWest said...

Adrienne, this is Miriel's father, and I'll be praying especially for you and Elizabeth this week. I don't know why the Lord has ordained this trial for your family at this time, but I trust that His love is greater than all of it, and will see you thorough. I will be praying and offering my fast this week for your comfort and Elizabeth's healing. God bless you all.

To Love a Soldier... said...

Adrienne,
You and Elizabeth and your whole family will be in my prayers in another way now. Many, many prayers.

Megan

healthily sanguine said...

Definitely praying!! <3

Anonymous said...

Many prayers from lake jackson, Texas!

Margaret said...

Praying for you & your precious daughter!

Mrs. Rachel said...

Praying for you!

Marcia said...

Prayers for peace and answers coming to you from Marion, Iowa. God will be walking with you every step of the way!

Anonymous said...

Another friend of Miriel's praying for you, your husband, and your little girl. I am adding all three of you to my list of Lenten intentions and will be sure to keep you steadily in my prayers as we all walk the road to Calvary.

Anonymous said...

Sending prayers your way from Oregon.

Arwen said...

How difficult and scary! I'm praying for you and Elizabeth - for strength and peace and for answers, quickly. God bless you!

Anonymous said...

You dont know me, but from one wife with a deployed husband to another, who is also fighting doctors, you have my many prayers!

Lauren said...

Prayers for you, your husband, and your daughter!

Anonymous said...

I will be praying for you and your family in Philadelphia, PA. God bless.

Anonymous said...

Praying for your daughter and you as you try to find answers without your husband to be there and support you! We're a military family and I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you. Offering up all my whines and complains to Our Lord for your intentions!

Karen
(from a forum someone posted a prayer request at for you)

Theresa said...

Be still and know that He is God! During the most difficult times, I have found great solace in these words. May they give you peace and strength as well. I'll be praying for you and your daughter and your husband, too (how much he must hate the distance right now!).

-from Plymouth, MI

Anonymous said...

I found this link through Faith and Family. I'll be praying for you in Augusta,GA. Prayers for wisdom for the doctors and strength and peace for you and your family. By the way, my 3 year old daughter's name is Elizabeth, so I'll definitely remember her name as I lift her up in prayer. God Bless,
Laura

Anonymous said...

Many many prayers.

Goodzik said...

Praying for you and your little one that you find the answers you so greatly seek and hoping all is well when it is revealed to you. May the good Lord bless you and keep you.

Tammy/Saskatoon, SK Canada

Anonymous said...

Praying for you!!! :)

Kissimmee, Florida

Michelle said...

I'm praying for all of you. I hope that you and the doctors are able to find the answers you need to help your little one get better.

Lisa said...

Praying for you!

Natalie said...

I also am a friend of Miriel. I feel God telling me that you need to hear 2 Corinthians 12:9.. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
No matter the answer to the why question, God will use this for His glory. He will give you what you need, and be what you need Him to be. I will pray for you and your daughter, and that through it all God gives you an unexplainable peace.

Mary said...

Will pray for strength for you and healing for Elizabeth. May the peace that surpasses all understanding be yours!

Jay said...

Said a prayer in Florida for wisdom and healing and peace for mom.

Catherine said...

My family will definitely pray for you to have strength and learn what you need to do to help your daughter. We will also be praying that your sweet little Elizabeth may be blessed with healing hands soon. Take care and remember to breathe.

Anonymous said...

I followed a link Arwen posted on Faith and Family. Praying for you and your daughter! God bless!

Anonymous said...

I will pray.

kim said...

Praying for you and Elizabeth.

Katie said...

i'm praying for you addie and your family.

Mary @ tinyprayers said...

My children and I will be praying for you, your husband and your little one.

The Sojourner said...

Prayers from Steubenville, Ohio, via Miriel and Arwen.

Laura said...

You've got our prayers and my number - do call for a vent session. I am so ripping mad at those drs right now! Maybe it's a good thing I'm 3 states away so I can go in there and yell at them for you! ;)

K said...

Praying for you and your little girl!!

Time to head to a large children's hospital if S&W isn't finding the answers.
You have a place to stay if you come to SA to Methodist or Christus Santa Rosa. Our family would be happy to give a place to stay and take you two to appts if necessary

Texas Children's in Houston is one of the top children's hospitals in the world.

Anonymous said...

In a moment of suffering, someone once told me, "This cross was not given to you just for you, but also for the Body of Christ." Your sufferings are the sufferings of the Body, and all our prayers unite together to hold you up. You are NOT alone--a community surrounds you to uphold you, to protect you as best it can, to grieve with you and to plead with the Father for you and your daughter. And the Body of Christ is made more united, more whole and more holy because of this trial that you face.

Susie said...

Praying for you, your little Elizabeth, your husband, and all the doctors and nurses involved.

Shalon said...

You, your husband, and Elizabeth are in my prayers, Adrienne.

Lynn Wehner said...

Followed the link here from Arwen's post at the Faith & Family site. You certainly have wonderful friends igniting a wildfire of prayers for your family! Be assured of my prayers for you, as well, as you battle the unknown and share your beautiful, devoted love with your daughter.

Anonymous said...

I will pray for you, you daughter and your husband Adrienne.

God bless you all!
Roxanna

Jen said...

Praying for you and your precious daughter! God bless!

Carrie said...

Prayers for you and your daughter as your fight to understand how best to help her. I pray that she would be healed of whatever ails her, and if that healing needs to come through the hands of a physician, that you will be led to the right place.

- praying from the midwest

Joy said...

Offering up prayers for you all.

Stephanie said...

Prayers for you and your family!

BreezieGirl said...

I'm praying for your daughter and her health, but also for you and your husband.

Fr. Rust said...

Dear Adrienne,
You and your daughter are in my prayers. The cross leads to the resurrection. I ask Mary, the Mother of God, who watched as her only son was beaten, tortured and left to die upon a cross to pray and intercede for you in your suffering. She understands your pain, seek solace in her mother to mother.

RMT said...

Another military family will have you in our prayers.

momto3 said...

I´m a cancer mom and i am praying for you and your little girl. You are doing the right thing... keep fighting! All to often doc's don't listen to what mom's are saying... we know our kids and we often know instinctively when something isn't right. I only registered here so that i could post to you. If you have any questions i am willing to answer them. My daughter has a forum (very quiet right now) on delphiforums it's called friends of freja. You can get hold of me there as i check for new messages daily.
Jane ( mom to an Infant ALL warrior)

Shelby said...

Your family is in my prayers!

Elizabeth M said...

Prayers for you -- for strength, courage, and comfort, for your daughter -- for healing and answers, and for your husband -- for his safety and strength.

You have many prayer "warriors" here to lift you up and offer your intentions.

May you feel the strength of these prayers and may they give you some peace and strength.

Best of luck through this trying times.

Branwen said...

Praying for your whole family!

Carol said...

Praying for you in California!

Laurel said...

You're always in my prayers. Love you, Addy.

Emily said...

Praying for you and your family. Don't lose hope, you're not alone.

Anonymous said...

Prayers for you and your family.

Amy MEV said...

My the Lord enlighten the minds of the doctors, bring you peace, and restore your daughter to health.

Anonymous said...

I will pray for you. Also thank you and your family for the sacrifice you are making for our country.

Jacquelyn said...

Prayers!

Anonymous said...

Prayers for your precious little one, you, and your husband from northern Wisconsin

Kate Wicker @ Momopoly said...

Sending prayers your way...

Mary said...

Praying for Elizabeth's health, your husbsnd's safe return and for your needs.
god bless,
Mary-NY

Anonymous said...

Sending thoughts and love from DC!

Lea-Ann said...

I am a friend of your sister-in-law Sarah - know that I am holding you and your sweet daughter up in prayer!

Little Diva said...

May God take care of you with His loving power to help you and your family find the answers to your prayers. Amen.

Anonymous said...

My prayers are with your family

Samantha said...

Praying . . .

Anonymous said...

Another mitlitary family, sending your family strength and prayers to get through this. We been in that "what is going on?" phase and it's scary and frustrating as hell. As a fellow mom, I tell you to follow your gut--that "Mommy instinct" that God gave all mothers-- and it will not lead you wrong. Prayers.

Julie said...

Praying!

Sarah Reinhard said...

Prayers!

Mama Mary, hold Elizabeth tightly and comfort her family, and especially Adrienne.

Elisa said...

Hey Friend. {HUG}. I read and we are praying daily for Elizabeth. The boys say the cutest things. Isaiah prayed that "Elizabeth would find shoes that she can take off." ?? I asked him what he meant by that. He said that she can never take her shoes off. LOL! He must have misunderstood me from when she was here and I said something like: "She doesn't need to take her shoes off, they help her walk better." Lol. Anyways, I explained, no, we are praying that the doctors find out what's wrong with her and that she can be healed. =)

Em said...

Sending up prayers to the Mighty Physician, for answers and healing and strength for you.