Sunday, March 20, 2011

I heard the nasty thing before I saw it. And, for the record, volume is an excellent indicator on size.

We were enjoyed an idyllic lunch. Elizabeth was munching on a cookie in the high chair, while I prepared my victuals. The backdoor was open, and the spring sun was streaming through the windows and door. Apparently, he had streamed through the door, too. I am surprised he even fit through the door. Regardless, as I warmed my chicken and laid my sodabread on my plate, I heard it.

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I froze. Every muscle in my admittedly starving body stiffened. I slowly turned around, searching for the source of the noise. Quickly, I located it. The wasp topped the ruler at nearly 2 inches, and was a bright red.

I freaked. And then I screamed.

I walked over, despite my inclination to run in my room and shut the door, and closed the blinds. I located a broom and proceeded to beat the window senseless. The buzzing ceased, and I did my victory dance.

Suddenly, he rose from the dead...or possibly from behind the blinds. Regardless, he floated into the air and began moving towards me. My life flashed before my eyes. After running Elizabeth to her crib, I ran into my bathroom and grabbed my aerosol hair spray. I reentered the room, stealthily approached my enemy, and fired. Perpetually. Practically until the can was empty. When he fell the floor, I attacked him repeatedly with my broom. I might have been screaming a little.

His dead carcass was swept out of the back door. Victory was officially mine.

7 comments:

Fidelio said...

lolololololololololololol.

:)

Mar said...

I rejoice with you! I hate bugs.. Not that they can really harm me since I'm not allergic but I don't know what it is about them that makes me freak out.

Hairspray.. I would never have guessed. Thanks for the input.

and congrats on your victory! :D hahaha

AJay said...

I would like to see a video of your victory dance. :)

Is it bad that I'm trying to teach my 3 year old to kill bugs by squeezing the life out of them through a tissue because I still hate to kill bugs? I know, but I do kill the dangerous ones, lest they attack my children.

Haha, good job on vanquishing your cunning opponent.

Laura said...

Girl, I am buying you a fly swatter! ;)

Adrienne said...

Laura, I was not about to get that close to that massive nasty thing. ;) And I don't think a fly swatter would have done a bit of good.

Elisa said...

LOL! GET 'EM ADRIENNE!

To Love a Soldier... said...

I kill ALL bugs with Hairspray!