Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Battle Buddy and The Happy Thought

She's been by my side from the very beginning.  We've seen each other through sickness, and trouble.  Through sad days, hard days, through the happy days and holidays.  We've been inseparable and have made the Separation bearable for each other.  Even in my loneliest moments, she was there.

But so were you. 

The day he left, you were there.  We had no idea.  My first night broken and alone, you were there.  And I had no idea.  Then, he called for R&R dates, and I realized.  He didn't just leave two people behind.  He left behind three. 

I lived in fear of losing you.  I was so busy taking care of everything and maintaining some constant sense of normalcy, that I hardly had time to enjoy you.  Running after her all day, trying to clean the house.  Classes.  Doctor's appointments.  Meetings.  Trips.  Life has been full the past eight months.  Mornings full of tidying up after the toddler, afternoons of stolen naps and skyping with Daddy.  Evenings found me making dinner, getting her a bath, putting her to bed. 

But, after that--those were our moments.  I would sit on the couch and wait.  And it would come.  Kick.  Poke.  Squirm.  And I'd smile.  I'd pray I could make it through the remainder of the pregnancy without him, through the delivery.  Scared to death of going it alone, without my best friend.  Saddened that he would miss such a special moment in your life--the beginning of your life.  Terrified of being a mom to two, alone. 

But I forged ahead.  For you. 

And now it's time.  You could come anytime. I can't wait. 

Because while she's been my source of constant strength, constant companionship, you have fulfilled your own special role.  You have been my constant Light.  My Happy Thought.  In the dark moments, on the days when I felt like I couldn't keep up.  Despite feeling like I'm always third place in a constant race.  You were there.  In the evenings, when I was alone, you kept me company with your prenatal dances.  In the middle of the night, when I'd wake up lonely in that big bed, I'd feel your presence.  I could dream about holding you the first time.  Kissing you the first time.  Of him coming home to us and holding you--for the first time.  And it made me happy. 

I hope to be a wonderful mother to you.  I pray to be what you deserve.  I promise to always love you, to always try to be the best mom to you.  As we face this new beginning together, I am excited.  Finally.  I cannot wait to meet you, to hold you for the first time.  To bring you home and love you. 

My tiny tagalong.  My happy thought. 

It's time.  Welcome to our family. 

1 comment:

Lydia said...

This brought tears to my eyes and memories of when I was pregnant with our son. My husband was gone for a lot of pre-deployment training (deployed shortly after our son was born), and our son in my belly was the only company I had on those lonely nights. I pray that your little one comes soon!